Sunday, January 16, 2011

The Unsent Letter

Presented today is my third entry in the Product of Silence exercises offered periodically by Kristine at Wait in the Van. Click on the button below for more on this. For previous botched attempts, click here and/or here.

This was a thought-provoking "assignment". Writing a letter you would never send. I was at first struck by the paradox that the letter would then be posted on the web - isn't that kind of like sending it? Give it a try and participate, you'll see what I mean.

Dear Pointy-Headed Man,

I’m writing today as a follow-up to our recent interview. The opportunity to work in your soul-sucking cubicle farm firm really excited me. It would certainly be a challenge to work walk with the living dead  among the disenfranchised, purposeless and downtrodden zombies employees who attend the daily funeral procession each contribute in their own way to the overall poor quality of the work products that offer no tangible value to society as a whole you generate.

There’s nothing I like better than having each member of the team mindlessly, without pride of ownership or even shame complete their work and hand it off to the next person for them to watch float in the bowl until it’s too late to do anything about it to put on the finishing touches. This is a team I’d truly like to be a part of, because as we all know, there is no “I” in team but there is “eat me".

I was equally impressed by the firm’s history of accomplishments and management approach as a short-sighted profit-taking machine of oppression. Here, I said, was clearly a workplace where one could stand on the shoulders of giants even if that was done by stabbing them in the back as you climbed ungratefully up the ladder on their achievements.

I believe I can be a valuable addition to your firm and will curb my inevitable desire of web-surfing on your time, walking off with reams of copy paper, staplers and pens as my sense of values and self esteem are slowly eroded and look forward to hearing back from you soon.

Sincerely yours,


  1. You could have checked it before posting, you appear to make a lot of errors. ;-)

  2. @ Simon: Thanks Buddy! Whew! Sure glad I didn't send it yet. Better be sure to "accept all changes" too.

  3. nice letter to bad someone drew all over it must have been the invisible man.

  4. @ Becca - thankfully, the same one that keeps me from sending in the corrected version too.

  5. Hahaha! "But there is 'eat me'" I love it!

  6. There really is "EAT ME" in TEAM. I never realized it before. lol. This is great, love the use of strike out. It is usually done annoyingly, but you did it perfect!

  7. @ Kristine: Your writing inspires the lighter side. thanks.

    @TexaGermaNadian: It was touch and go - but glad it worked without annoying. Now I'm off to read yours...thanks for stopping by.

  8. I have so been there. . . what a great way to say what we've all, at some time, felt.

  9. @ Toy Lady: Hopefully you too did not take that job, or find yourself in one like it. cheers